Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i now understand why vodka
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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