If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
