I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
