watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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