if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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