And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
