Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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