There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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