when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
