I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
