last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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