This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
