last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
