We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
