brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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