Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
