The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
