If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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