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My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
