Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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