He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This is the high leading the old right now
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
