Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
