Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
