Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
