I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
