Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
this will be a night to untag.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
