he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
