They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
