The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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