I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
