Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
