just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
