woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
