I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
