Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
no you cant smoke seaweed
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
