my sisters under your porch take her home
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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