I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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