I hate your face
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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