Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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