Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
