'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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