Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
