I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
