yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
