this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
