her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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