You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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