my mouth tastes like poor choices
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
