she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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