My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
